black and white close up of a woman's chest with her left hand and weddings bands in focus© mellBella Photography, 2023

In Her Own Words – Let’s Go

For her session, she chose to Add-On our Inferno Wings. They are 6 1/2 foot fierce, bold, and powerful with ostrich feathers. I love how them move and add such a moody prop to the boudoir portraits. Here’s what she had to say about her experience with mellBella Photography.

BEFORE her mellBella Boudoir Session

“Today, is the first day of a new me. It started as a gift for my husband, but leading up to it, I realized it’s a gift for me. It will help me see myself in a new light and embrace myself for everything that I am. I’m super nervous, but I’m ready to unleass my inner woman. Let’s goooo!”

AFTER

“The experience itself was a lot less nerve wracking than I expected. Mell did a wonderful job of helping me stay out of my head by talking me through all of the poses and just chatting in general. I would absolutely do this again and have told a few friends how awesome the experience and results were, and how great Mell is.”

How did you see yourself differently?

“I’m not sure I can even put it into words. I’m honestly a bit obsessed with these photos. Looking at them makes me feel beautiful and strong. I still can’t believe it’s me in those photos sometimes.”

2024 and the Inbetween

Each year, I chose words for my intentions for the studio because I don’t do resolutions. Last year was Work In Progress.

2024 is ACE which stands for Authentic Creative Experimental.

Recently, I visited the Caw Caw Interpretive Center and was inspired by this part of the swamp with the naked Cypress trees and little pops of green. What struck me was this is the time inbetween seasons. What’s your favorite season? Usually I’d say Fall or Autumn. However this year, it’s the time Inbetween Winter and Spring.

Much of our lives we are between things: circumstances, jobs, people, places, etc. We vary between ages and sizes. We deeply desire to be understood, cared for, and not feel alone. We forget our inherent worth. To you, I dedicate my poem, The Inbetween.

Tall Cyprees Trees in a swamp covered in Cypress knees at the end of winter so there's no leaves on the trees

Winter can be cold and the trees bare branches are exposed.
But they can’t hide their scars nor the animals that live there.
They’ve blossomed and grew earlier in the year, but now it’s time to rest.

Nights are long, and the days are short in Winter.
Nature is slow with purpose and promise.
Animals hibernate and rest.

There’s hints of Spring with small patches of green,
But the air of Winter lingers through the bare branches.
Hope of Spring is not forgotten as the Inbetween
Shows BOTH Winter and Spring are worthy.

The Inbetween but Not Yet is impatient, frustrated.
The Inbetween sees beauty in Winter and Spring,
But cannot see its own.
It feels lonely, unproductive, and useless.

The Inbetween is focused on what it’s NOT.
It’s NOT Winter when Nature rests.
It’s NOT Spring when Nature wakes and blooms.
It’s NOT Summer when everything grows.
It’s NOT Fall when the Harvest comes in. But…

The Inbetween is Change, and change is hard.
The Inbetween transforms the tadpole to the frog.
The Inbetween coaches the caterpillar to a butterfly.

The Inbetween is Hope that has to watch and wait…
To wake Winter
To whisper to Spring
To warm Summer
To wander to Fall
To weave the moments between.

The Inbetween is Authentic. It cannot be otherwise.
The Inbetween is Creative. It must imagine and inspire.
The Inbetween is Experimental. It observes, questions, tries, adapts,
And at times, makes mistakes. But the Inbetween is NOT a mistake.

The Inbetween is Who we were, Who we are, and Who we will be.
Seasons of life have their specific time then end.
But the Inbetween carries them all in a steady embrace.
Equally important and worthy… Always.

The Inbetween written by Mell E F Bell February 16, 2024
Black and White Close Up of a women's face with a reflection to the left. She has pale skin and freckles and her hair is in a 1910s style piled on top of her head. She is looking up with a pensive and somewhat serious look on her face.©mellBella Photography, 2020

Hiding Inside My Body

Hello… it’s me, Mell Bell. I wanted to share a little story behind this self portrait. I took this back in 2020 on my birthday, and I loved how the stylist, Sarah Pearson, did my hair and makeup. I liked the lighting and moody feel, BUT… but… but….

I wanna talk about feelings… how was I feeling in my mind and my body. To sum it up, I was unsure and was trying to hide my body. I was trying to make myself smaller. I wanted to feel comfortable and confident, but I was so concerned with the lighting and the posing… BUT mostly, I was trying to hide of my body. I felt ashamed of the size of my stomach and my chest. I was sweating because self portraits are HARD to do too! I felt gross. I was struggling with feeling ok in my body exactly as it was.

black and white full length portrait of the photographer turned to the side wearing a lace bra and panty set and a long robe. Her body is half hidden behind a sheer black curtain, and she looks off to the right side of the image. Her expression is pensive and a little unsure.

I didn’t want to listen to my body, and I just wanted the image I created to show my dear clients that I understand the intimidating factors of getting photographed. I’m showing my worries in my clenched hand and tight lips. I didn’t care as much about my cellulite on my leg because hello heredity ?!?

So why? There’s always something much deeper under the surface as to the why behind the discomfort. This image was taken:

Shortly before I was finally diagnosed with ADHD after living my whole life with it, but not understanding a huge part of myself.

Almost 1 year after my last child was born. I was struggling with PMDD and only having about 10 days out of every month where I felt mostly ok and not like I had a the flu.

A few months into the COVID-19 pandemic, and I was trying to figure out how to still work and support my family.

A few months after the government mandated shutdowns, school closings, and moving to online school

And those are just the recent BIG things. My being raised in certain types of churches/belief systems, added even more layers of guilt and shame of just existing in my body. Add to that losing one parent when I was 13. Add to that growing up with a verbally and emotionally abusive parent.  Add to that not understanding why my eating habits were disordered.  And just keep adding…

Each person is complicated, and I think we all long for a space where we can feel safe, loved, appreciated, and that we’re not broken. Life is messy, and we can still grow and learn. Below is a self portrait I took on my phone right after I wrote this blog. My goal was to show joy, comfort, and of course some messiness.

black and white portrait of Mell Bell lounging across a large recliner chair with one arm on the arm rest and her two feet crossed at the ankles on the other arm rest. She is laughing and smiling so big that her nose is crinkled and her eyes are closed.

“People Have All Kinds Of Sides To Them, Mei, And Some Sides Are Messy. The Point Isn’t To Push The Bad Stuff Away, It’s To Make Room For It, Live With It.”  Jin Lee from the movie Turning Red

I’ll add to learn and grow too. Until next time friends, may you know that you are loved and lovable.

With Appreciation,

Mell Bell

bisexual lighting with anonymous feeling tossing hair© mellBella Photography, 2022

Something New for 2022

I’ve been working for several weeks on a new logo for mellBella Photography. This will be the third edition of the logo since the mellBella brand was officially founded The name mellBella includes my name, BUT I didn’t want it to be just me. Bella is a nod to the Italian roots of my husband’s family who started Richard Bell Photography who gave me my start in photography. PLUS, Bella means beautiful. The first version of the logo was retro feeling, and of course the B was capitalized. Our colors were hot pink, black, and silver.

original mellBella logo

She was a good logo and the B changed colors to red and purple depending on the photo shoot too. However in 2017, we changed to something more flowy, modern, and sleek. It took some time to find the right fonts and color, but she was professional, curvy, and cute. 2017 mellBella logo

BUT over the last few years, mellBella Photography has grown in so many ways, and this logo didn’t fit the brand anymore. mellBella is so much more than professional, curvy, and cute. Soooooooo much more than where we started…. the logo needed to be more and different. So in February, I emailed my designer, Andy, who is also a Bell, to figure out a new look. It had to FEEL just right.   For the record, it’s really hard to describe something that you can’t picture in your head as the final look but you have lots of ideas, feelings, and an instinct that go into it. I’m so thankful to Andy for helping me through this process, listening, and translating it ALL into an actual design.

bisexual lighting with anonymous feeling tossing hair

This portrait was the INSPIRATION behind our new logo.  For her most recent shoot in December 2021, she asked if we could do some images with bisexual lighting. This lighting incorporates a blue gel and a magenta gel and where they meet creates purple lighting. The colors are on the bisexual flag, give an 80s retrowave vibe,  the three main hair colors I’ve had in recent years, AND are used throughout tv shows and movies as well. And if you know me, you know I love to PLAY with LIGHTING and COLOR.

This lovely woman has trusted me to photograph her and embrace who she is. She gave me permission to share this image without her face and a few details about her story. She was my very first trans client, and she even used the photos we created from her first portrait session to come out to her mother. Wow, just wow. I’m so grateful to her because trans people face high levels of discrimination and violence,  AND she’s not alone. To be clear, trans rights are human rights.  She is inspiring…  watching her confidence and comfort in herself grow over the years is indescribably beautiful.  Of course, there’s SO MUCH MORE to it all… so much more detail, history, struggle, growth, and most importantly, LOVE. SHE is the phenomenal muse behind the new logo.

The new logo is dedicated to-

  • The FANTASTIC woman in the above photo, of course.
  • ALL of my clients (past, present, and future) whose trust I value immensely.
  • The awkward, the in-between, those who have been told they’re less than, those who have been told they’re too much, those who feel out-of-place, and those who are still figuring it out.
  • Creating, Collaborating, and Caring.
  • Being a Whole Ass Person.

Check out the NEW look in the video below-

I wanted a logo that would be….

  • Slightly more modern but not stiff; still curvaceous
  • Upscale, high end but still relatable and friendly with some whimsy
  • NOT perfect
  • Vibrant, Bold, Fun
  • Androgynous, Feminine, and Masculine
  • A gradient of colors
  • Enchanting, Welcoming, and Balance
  • Something that feels like me
  • Something that when you look at it doesn’t look nor feel like every other photographer out there

I was finally diagnosed with ADHD later in life, so I lived most of my life feeling Out-of-Place without understanding who I am. I felt Awkward, Too Loud, Too Random, Out-of-Place, Weird and Clumsy in my Brain and Body, Forgetful, Lazy, and Not Good Enough. BUT as a child, I would watch Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, and I always knew that Mr. Rogers liked me exactly as I am. No qualifications… no buts…. just how I am. Growing up, I wondered so many times– IF I was loved by my mother, IF I was unlovable, IF I could do anything right, IF I could ever decide what I wanted to do with my life, IF I was good enough, IF I can change myself enough to fit in, IF… IF… IF!!! I think that’s why the following quote is a huge part of my values:

“You are a very special person. There is only one like you in the whole world. There’s never been anyone exactly like you before, and there will never be again. Only you. And people can like you exactly as you are.” -Mr. Fred Rogers

This new logo feels right… it feels fitting… it feels like it reflects the changes and growth in mellBella Photography. It feels retro and modern. It feels masculine, feminine, and androgynous. It feels welcoming and fun but serious and professional. It’s a balance and whimsical. 

mellBella Logo 2022

My goal is for the art I create with my clients to show:

“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has or ever will have something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.”  -Mr. Fred Rogers

So….. what’s next? The website. It’s a process, but it will be worth it.

 

2022 Intentions- W A P

Every new year, I choose words or phrases as my intentions for the year. I really liked last year’s intentions which were: Inclusion, Creation, and Innovation. I feel like mellBella Photography is on the right track, and we made some progress. I’m continuing my education in photography which goes far beyond camera and lighting gear. I’ve been reading, listening, and learning about fatphobia and diet culture as well as continuing learning about the “isms” (racism, ableism, sexism, heterosexism, classism, etc). I think the following quote sums up what I’m trying to do:

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou

With the last few years, dramatically changing us all from figuring out life and daily tasks to exhaustion to mourning to anger, and to finding some joy and hope.  I’m struggling as a parent of a toddler and elementary school student. I’m struggling with my PMDD and ADHD and possibly have endometriosis too.  My PMDD causes me all kinds of problems and negative symptoms for at least 2 weeks out of every menstrual cycle. Time feels different. My ADHD is a beautiful but difficult conundrum, and allows me to pay attention to almost everything at the same time which makes sitting down to focus my attention difficult at times but it’s the best thing for a photo shoot because I’ll notice the mood, the lighting, the temperature, personality, changes, noises, etc. Now those are health struggles… and there’s so much more that goes into the day to day.

So what does this have to do with intentions for 2022? I am a W-A-P.  For 2022, my intentions for mellBella Photography can be summed up by those three letters– WAP.

I am a WAP. Everyone you see or meet is a WAP. Each human is a WAP. You are a WAP. A WAP is…. a WHOLE ASS PERSON.

You are supposed to take up SPACE. Almost every person, who comes to my studio for the first time, is so nervous, and they shrink themselves at first. But throughout the photo shoot, it’s a discovery of seeing themselves as worthy of taking up space… of being a WAP– WHOLE ASS PERSON! Being a Whole Ass Person does NOT include being unkind and disrespectful. Basically, DON’T be an Ass Hole Person to yourself nor others. And as a Whole Ass Person (WAP), you are going to have feelings that might change daily about how you look or feel in your body. When you feel a disconnect or uncomfortable in your own body, it’s soooooo easy for the negative self talk to take over and the feelings of self worth plummet. Maybe you feel bad because you “should” look a certain way and don’t. There’s no one right way to look, BTW. You are worthy of LOVE because you exist. It’s inherent.

“You must want to spend the rest of your life with yourself first.”    — Rupi Kaur

You bring your baggage literally to the photo shoot, and there’s so much going on inside of you before you arrive. I don’t know your history, but sometimes you share part of it with me before your shoot day. Maybe you’re recovering from an illness, accident, or surgery.  Maybe you’re celebrating your birthday, anniversary, or surviving and leaving a bad relationship. Maybe you were raised to believe that your body is shameful. Maybe you’ve always felt self conscious about your body or that you feel awkward in it. Maybe you’ve done a photo shoot with us before and you want to try something different or bolder this time because you’re less nervous and more excited. Maybe you had a baby and want to celebrate or appreciate your new body.

“Radical self-love demands that we see ourselves and others in the fullness of our complexities and intersections and that we work to create space for those intersections.” —  Sonya Renee Taylor

I don’t know what happened right before you arrive at the studio. Maybe traffic was bad. Maybe you got in a verbal argument with someone important to you. Maybe you struggle with depression or anxiety and struggled even getting out of bed today. Maybe you’ve been caring for a sick loved one. Maybe inside you’re scared about hating photos of yourself… again. Maybe you were taught growing up that loving yourself/feeling good about yourself is selfish and you’re struggling with those conflicts still today. Maybe that person who was supposed to be safe and loving told you horrible lies about you and your body which you are still carrying with you. Maybe your kids were incredibly difficult to interact with that morning. Maybe you couldn’t sleep the night before your photo shoot. Maybe you want to do something just for you because it’s well past time you did and you need something to put back into you.

“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, simultaneously.” ― Sophia Bush

When you arrive at the mellBella studio, I want you to find a breath of fresh air, a place of comfort, a safe space, and a ton of joy. I want you to relax and be in this moment right now… not the past… not the future– but right now. I want you to set some of your baggage down, and take a little break from it. Maybe you have to take some of that baggage with you when you leave, but maybe just maybe, you can leave with lighter bags. I want you to feel more free and confident to be you, yourself, and your WHOLE ASS PERSONHOOD.

 

bouquet of spring flowers in pastel pink, yellow, orange, blue, and purple with the words Changes & Growth in the center of the image© Richard Bell Photography, 2021

Growth in Boudoir Photography

For 2021, I choose three words that I want to guide my focus for this year…. INCLUSION, CREATION, & INNOVATION. I am working through updating the website, social media, and throughout the business to be more accessible, more inclusive, address any other concerns, and update the imagery too. There’s a lot going on behind the scenes, and I wanted to share some growth and history with you.

I was brought up in a family with a verbally and emotionally abusive mother. My father died when I was thirteen. They had brought me up in a cultish religion where only they (the religion) had the answers,  and everyone else was wrong. Changing your views was considered sinful and wrong… even when new information from many verified sources disproved that view/value. Hating yourself and putting your needs/boundaries last was considered the highest good. Many lies were fed to me through this religion, and any negative things about the religion or respected leader were hidden. Guilt, shame, and fear were the motivations to do “the right thing” as they defined it… and most of the religion’s values were either racist, misogynistic, homophobic, ableist, etc… and a lot of times a deadly cocktail of some of or all them. Add to this my struggles with undiagnosed ADHD (until summer 2020) and never feeling like enough or feeling like too much.

Fast forward to high school where I started questioning a lot of the misogynistic practices in my high school. Then to college and after,  getting married, and having kids. Throughout my life, I never thought of myself as hot, sexy, or even beautiful. I thought of myself as cute, silly, quirky, and very awkward. When I started photography in the family business through weddings, I kept seeing again and again how only women who looked a certain way were in the movies, tv, magazines, models, advertising, etc. And that the view of a women’s beauty and her worth was only if she met this impossible criteria. I photographed my first boudoir shoots in 2010 and connected the dots… that all women are beautiful and should feel that way.

So when the mellBella Photography  brand started in January 2011, our mission was to “remind women they are more beautiful than they think they are. Specializing in women’s photography to honor these Bella Beauties and the men they love.” WOW! Thankfully, we’ve done A LOT of growing since then. That mission was problematic… exclusive in several ways. We had a very narrow view of boudoir photography and what it was back then.  Coming into boudoir photography as wedding photographers, we narrowed our focus to only brides either getting married or as gifts for wives to get their husbands.  BUT that excluded  LGBTQIA+ persons… it excluded any other gender… it excluded people who weren’t married… it excluded people who didn’t have a partner… and it made it only about a gift for someone else.  And on top of all that, we had very little diversity in our clients.

Me circa 2011 early on in the mellBella Photography life

 

How did/do I change it? It came/comes through putting in the hard work personally and through the business…. education and communication. Being open to changes to learning… not being afraid of being wrong… apologizing and taking the steps to correct the problems…and changing the goal to not only became a better photographer but also a better human. To create a welcoming, safe place, and fabulous experience for our clients.  And to always be learning, admit wrong doing, when you mess up–make up for it as best as you can, and to put love and kindness above all else.  I have invested in education through The Boudoir University  I’m  over halfway through their foundational program called The 7 Pillar Program: The Course for Photographers Who Give A Damn. “The pillars are designed to confront blind spots, outdated belief systems, and biases that we all have when it comes to the human experience. In order for us to become more empathetic and thus, more empowering, we need to open ourselves up to understanding experiences from different intersections.” Boudoir Photography is truly so much more than “pretty pictures” or just a “photo or tw0.”

Image of Mell Bell by Christine Hamrick Photography

So, what is the mellBella Photography mission/goals now?!? I don’t have a formal mission statement right now that is wrapped up nicely in one sentence… but here’s what I value:

  • EVERY BODY is beautiful. EVERY SINGLE BODY is freaking gorgeous simply because it exists.
  • Boudoir Photography isn’t just for females… it’s for ALL genders.
  • For my clients to see themselves with loving eyes instead of hypercritical ones.
  • Celebrating YOUR version of beautiful, sexy, happy, strong, silly, sensual, etc.
  • Confirmation, Detoxification, Communication, Exhilaration, Declaration, and Affirmation of YOU
  • Creating a Safe Space of respect, trust, peace, vulnerability, emotions, and comfort combined with fun and laughter.
  • An experience that puts back into someone…reminding them to value themselves… appreciate their bodies… AND yes, even CELEBRATE.

Here’s just a small sample of the portraits I’ve been doing. I dedicate to my unforgettable clients, my friends, and family who support me and my work:

 

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